Monday, November 16, 2009

turning the page

I love the smell of a new book... I've done a lot of reading lately, and the smell of a new book is one of my favorites. with that in mind, I also love a book that's been worn. its pages have been poured over and it's lost that smell, but there's a familiarity that comes with reading a book that's been read before... you know the story, but it comes alive in a different way each time you pick it up. you read something in a new light or see something you've missed before.

such is life it seems. I love the start of a new chapter... a new book. the new friends, excitement, and the thrill of it all. but oh, what I would give some days for a story that I've known before. I know how it's going to end and where it's headed. the thrill isn't there anymore, but it still brings laughter, tears, and exudes a familiarity.

I am absolutely loving this new chapter of being a seminary student and following God's call, but some days I wish I could go back. I'd like to say that I would change some things, but you can't change a story that's already been written. it is what it is. the suspense isn't there anymore, but the laughter and tears still feel fresh sometimes. there's a comfort in familiarity and in the new, but we can't dwell on that. if we do, there's so much that we miss out on.

there are days where I wish I could go back to starting college, to my first ministry team, to the comforts of home, but I can't. days, months, and years have passed. life has gone on. so much has changed. and so much has stayed the same.

all this to say, I'm so thankful for all that I have to reflect on. it's hard to start fresh where no one knows you... they don't know your story, your moments, your quirks, and the things that make you... well, you. but it's life. I love how Acts 17:28  says,

"For in Him we live and move and have our being."

in Christ, we are who we are. even though things may change, God never does. he is the constant. in Him, it doesn't matter where we are because He is with us. it's because of Him that I am where I am today.

I was flipping through my study Bible and found an excerpt from a book that I stuck in there several years ago. it spoke to me then, and did again this week...
"I remember the sweet sensation of leaving, years ago, some ten now, leaving Texas for who knows where. I could not have known about this beautiful place, the Oregon I have come to love... and I could not have known then that if I had been born here, I would have left here, gone someplace south to deal with horses, to get on some open land where you can see tomorrow's storm brewing over a high desert. I could not have known then that everybody, every person, has to leave, has to change like seasons; they have to or they die. The seasons remind me that I must keep changing, and I want to change because it's God's way. All my life I've been changing... Everybody has to change, or they expire. Everybody has to leave, everybody has to leave their home and come back so they can love it again for all new reasons."

-Donald Miller - Through Painted Deserts

that's where I find myself. had I not left, I wouldn't be who I am today... it's made me be so appreciative of the moments, the memories, the tears, and the laughter. some days I still curl up and read those days like an old book, but I'm loving the smell of these new pages.

I don't know what adventures lie ahead, what challenges I may face, what heartache I may experience, or what joys may befall me, but I'm reading furiously. I want each day to count, so I'm not looking back.

2 comments:

Stefanie said...

You are so a girl after my own librarian heart! I love that passage from Through Painted Deserts. You reminded me that I need to read back through that book. Young adulthood is indeed a unique journey full of exciting new chapters. It's a fun (and scary) place to be. Thanks for the encouragement!

brittany said...

MM! I miss you so much! I'm so excited to see God working and moving in your life. He truly is amazing! I wish you were here. I have so much to tell you!

Love you!